Monday, September 19, 2016

No ifs, ands, or butts: Trump even lied about his colonoscopy!

Donald Trump is a pathological liar.

So is Hillary Clinton, of course. But The Donald has raised lying to an art form. He lied his way through the Republican debates. He's lied about his past positions on almost every issue. And when he gets caught in a lie- which he does regularly- well, he tries to lie his way out of it.

He even lied about having had a colonoscopy.

Now, I know a thing or two about colonoscopies. Let me sound a "too much information" warning before we go any further.

I've had more than my share of colonoscopies in the past three years. The first was in the spring of 2013 when I finally had the colonoscopy all men should begin having every five years once they turn 50. I was 63.

Sure enough, it turned out that I had a malignant tumor in my colon, a third of which was removed a few months later.  Six jolly months of chemo followed.  I had two annual colonoscopies after that. Things are presently going so well that I don't have to have another one for a couple of years, by which time I will- assuming all continues to go well- be officially considered cured.

Having had three colonoscopies in as many years, I can tell you that the day before the procedure you don't go anywhere. You get to chug a gallon of a salty substance ironically called "GoLytely."

You do not go "lytely." You go heavily. You go, and you go, and you go until your bowels are pristine. And then you go some more. When you actually undergo the procedure, you are sedated in such a fashion that you remember only bits and pieces of it and are apt to act in a rather loopy fashion even if you are not Donald Trump. It takes the rest of the day to recover from the sedation, much less get your alimentary canal functioning again, and rejoin the human race.

Donald Trump claims to have had a colonoscopy about the same time I did, on July 10, 2013.

But he tweeted all day that day. The article linked to above reproduces those tweets.

That article exercises great restraint in only implying rather than stating the most compelling reason of all to believe that he did not in fact have a colonoscopy that day. My restraint isn't quite up to that level, but I'll try to be delicate: Donald Trump needs to drink a couple of gallons of "GoLytely" with every meal.

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