Chickens and roads, part deux
Why, indeed, did the chicken cross the road?
PLATO: For the greater good.
MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
MACHIAVELLI: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
DERRIDA: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
TORQUEMADA: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
DOUGLAS ADAMS: Forty-two.
NIETZSCHE: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
OLIVER NORTH: National Security was at stake.
SKINNER: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
JUNG: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
SARTRE: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
WITTGENSTEIN: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
ARISTOTLE: To actualize its potential.
THE BUDDHA: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken- nature.
HOWARD COSELL: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
DALI: The Fish.
DARWIN: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
DICKENSON: Because it could not stop for death.
EPICURUS: For fun.
EMERSON: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
GOETHE: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
HEISENBERG: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
HUME: Out of custom and habit.
JACK NICHOLSON: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
PYRRO THE SKEPTIC: What road?
THE SPHINX : You tell me.
Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
THOREAU: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
TWAIN: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
MOLLY YARD: It was a hen!
ZENO OF ELEAZ: To prove it could never reach the other side.
CHAUCER: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.
WORDSWORTH: To wander lonely as a cloud.
CORLEONE: It didn't want its mother to see it like that.
KEATS: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.
BLAKE: To see heaven in a wild fowl.
OTHELLO: Jealousy.
DR. JOHNSON: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.
MAGGIE THATCHER: This chicken's not for turning.
BIG BROTHER: The chicken has always been on the other side of the road.
WILDE: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.
KAFKA: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up one morning from unquiet slumbers and found himself transformed into that chicken.
SWIFT: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.
MACBETH: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.
WHITEHEAD: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.
FREUD: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter)
HAMLET: That is not the question.
DONNE: It crosseth for thee.
POPE: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.
CONSTABLE: To get a better view. HT: Philosophy eserver
MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
MACHIAVELLI: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
DERRIDA: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
TORQUEMADA: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
DOUGLAS ADAMS: Forty-two.
NIETZSCHE: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
OLIVER NORTH: National Security was at stake.
SKINNER: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
JUNG: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
SARTRE: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
WITTGENSTEIN: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
ARISTOTLE: To actualize its potential.
THE BUDDHA: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken- nature.
HOWARD COSELL: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
DALI: The Fish.
DARWIN: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
DICKENSON: Because it could not stop for death.
EPICURUS: For fun.
EMERSON: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
GOETHE: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
HEISENBERG: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
HUME: Out of custom and habit.
JACK NICHOLSON: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
PYRRO THE SKEPTIC: What road?
THE SPHINX : You tell me.
Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
THOREAU: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
TWAIN: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
MOLLY YARD: It was a hen!
ZENO OF ELEAZ: To prove it could never reach the other side.
CHAUCER: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.
WORDSWORTH: To wander lonely as a cloud.
CORLEONE: It didn't want its mother to see it like that.
KEATS: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.
BLAKE: To see heaven in a wild fowl.
OTHELLO: Jealousy.
DR. JOHNSON: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.
MAGGIE THATCHER: This chicken's not for turning.
BIG BROTHER: The chicken has always been on the other side of the road.
WILDE: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.
KAFKA: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up one morning from unquiet slumbers and found himself transformed into that chicken.
SWIFT: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.
MACBETH: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.
WHITEHEAD: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.
FREUD: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter)
HAMLET: That is not the question.
DONNE: It crosseth for thee.
POPE: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.
CONSTABLE: To get a better view. HT: Philosophy eserver
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