Mayor Emanuel appeals to the values of Chicago's hoodlums

I remember sitting in my car listening to the radio in the parking lot of a suburban restaurant one afternoon several years ago while visiting my home town, Chicago. The announcer sheepishly reported that due to the fact that murder rates in Chicago had been falling more slowly than they had in other major cities, the City that Used To Work had inherited the mantle which once graced the shoulders of Detroit and Washington, D.C.

Chicago was now the murder capital of the United States. Huzzah, I thought. We're Number One. Cubbies, take notice!

No more. Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love, is the current champ in per capita murder rate. For a while, St. Louis was the most dangerous American city over all, but it's lost its groove. Flint, Michigan has seized that title, and St. Louis has tumbled to fourth, just behind perennial powerhouse Detroit.

Chicago doesn't even rank in the top ten. But the city is in the midst of a violent crime wave, which is becoming a real political problem for Chicago's !@#$%$#@!! Mare, Rahm !@#$%%^@!! Emanuel. But never fear. The "Man on Five" (the mayor's office is on the fifth floor of City Hall) has the solution.

Da Mare has appealed to the values of Chicago's gangs and other hoodlums, and urged them to remember what their mothers taught them when they were little and to at least leave little kids alone.

How nice.

Gag me with an Italian beef.

It's as good a murder weapon as any.

HT: Drudge