It seems that Donald Trump thinks he's Dick Tuck.
Get it? Rubio famously paused in mid-sentence to take history's most awkward swig of bottled water during his first national television speech.
Richard Nixon was bedeviled by a Democratic operative named Dick Tuck who pulled harmless but irritating stunts like having the bleachers at a Nixon rally painted red, white and blue half an hour before the rally was to begin, and having another rally picketed by hugely pregnant women carrying signs reading "NIXON'S THE ONE!," and dressing up as a conductor and having a train from the rear car of which Nixon was making a whistle-stop speech pull out of the station just as the speech began. Nixon became so paranoid about Tuck that he decided to organize a similar capability of his own. It ended up being an outfit called "the Plumbers," and the rest is history.
Well, to paraphrase Lloyd Bentsen, Mr. Trump, I didn't know Dick Tuck. Dick Tuck wasn't a friend of mine. But you're no Dick Tuck. He had a sense of humor, you see, and wouldn't have found juvenile stunts like giving out opponent's cell phone numbers and having bottled water delivered to a guy who once had an awkward moment with the stuff worth doing.
In order for Tuck to do it, it would have had to be funny.
No, Mr. Trump. You're no Dick Tuck. And you're certainly no potential leader of the free world, either.