Trump issues new and improved version of the Bible

Donald Trump, a professing Christian, has long had serious problems with certain aspects of the Bible. Since it obviously cannot be Trump who is in error, he has therefore issued a new an improved version, fixing the things God got wrong.

It should be a big seller among Trump supporters, many of whom seem to have trouble telling the difference between the two anyway.

Trump expressed confidence that  the Almighty would b grateful for the mentoring. "I'm sure He'll be encouraged," The Donald said, "in his aspiration to someday be another Donald Trump."

God's press secretary, the Archangel Gabriel, had no comment but did not look happy.

Meanwhile, meteorologists were at a loss to explain the darkening of the skies over Trump Tower and the fact that lightning has struck it n the average of once every five minutes since the announcement. Coincidentally, that's the same average interval a recent study said passes between lies told by Trump.

The long-term forecast, in any case, is for heavy rain or forty days and nights beginning with the calling to order of the Republican National Convention in Cleveland on July 18.