Skip to main content

Address to a Chicago-Style Hot Dog (With apologies to Robert Burns)

How fair your poppy-seeded face,
Great chieftain of the sandwich race!
Above them all, you take your place
With neon relish!
Your plentitude of savory grace
Words can't embellish.

The mouth with flavors grand you fill,
With every gustatory thrill
Of mustard smear and spear of dill
And celery salt;
Tomato slice and onion hill-
But nary a fault!

Cucumber slices, and, most chief,
A hot dog of Vienna beef
Not grilled or roasted, but, in brief,
Most seemly steamed.
A finer dish, in my belief
Cannot be dreamed.

Though many a crude and vulgar race
To their own deep and dark disgrace
A hot dog's glory may deface
With ketchup's grue,
None from Chicago is so base
As so to do!

Or on poor substitutions feed
With nary a single poppy seed!
The pepper's piquant grace you need
For rapture true.
No condiment of lesser breed
Will ever do!

Benighted heathens miss the thrill
Who fry or boil or roast or grill
Or this ambrosia's flavor kill
With French fry sauce.
True gourmets at such vileness will
Their cookies toss!

How pitiful the numbers vast
Whose lesser frankfurter repast
Would leave Chicagoans aghast
At such sad fare,
Of our dog's glory, unsurpassed
Bereft and bare!

You powers, which make mankind your care
And dish them out their bill of fare,
Chicago wants no hot dog bare
Of such rich flavor
As our own hot dog's virtue rare
Will let us savor!


Popular posts from this blog

Jan Chamberlain's rhetoric is too strong. But the stand she has taken is right.

I do not share the religion of Jan Chamberlain. I don't even pray to the same god. But I can't help but admire the integrity of the woman who quit the Mormon Tabernacle Choir rather than sing at Donald Trump's inauguration.

Ms. Chamberlain, like me, voted for Evan McMullin in November. Like me, she holds no brief for Hillary Clinton or her agenda. But she cannot, as she put it, "throw roses at Hitler."

As I've said before, comparing Trump to Hitler strikes me as harsh. I believe that Trump is a power-hungry narcissist who exhibits disturbing signs of psychopathy, like Hitler. Like Hitler, he has stigmatized  defenseless minorities- Muslims and undocumented aliens, rather than Jews- and made them scapegoats for the nation's troubles. Like Hitler, he has ridden a wave of irrational hatred and emotion to power. Like Hitler's, his agenda foreshadows disaster for the nation he has been chosen to lead.

But he's not going to set up death camps for Musli…

Neither Evan McMullin nor his movement are going away

Evan McMullin has devoted most of his post-college life- even to the point of foregoing marriage and a family- to fighting ISIS and al Qaeda and our nation's deadliest enemies as a clandestine officer for the CIA. He has done so at the risk of his life.

He has seen authoritarianism in action close-up. One of his main jobs overseas was to locate and facilitate the elimination of jihadist warlords. Evan McMullin knows authoritarians.

And when he looks at Donald Trump, what he sees is an authoritarian like the ones he fought overseas. He knows Donald Trump. After leaving the CIA he served as policy director for the Republican majority in the United States House of Representatives. He tells about his first encounter with The Donald in that role in this opinion piece he wrote for today's New York Times.

In fact, when Mitt Romney and Tom Coburn and all the others who were recruited to run as a conservative third-party candidate against Trump and Hillary Clinton backed out,  McMulli…

Huzzah! Once again, 45 does something majorly right!

First. he appointed Neil Gorsuch to the Supreme Court, and now 45 has- at long last- initiated a sensible space policy, with a plan to promote a "rapid and affordable" return to the moon carried out by private enterprise by 2020.  Afterward, it will be onward to Mars and beyond.

This is a great idea for three reasons. First, private enterprise is the future of space exploration, and as far as I know we will be the first spacefaring nation to put most of its eggs in that basket. Second, it's nice to have eggs! Since the Obama administration canceled the Constellation program to develop the Ares booster and the Orion crew vehicle (though it subsequently reinstated the Orion part of the program), the United States has been twiddling its thumbs while China has taken great leaps toward the moon and other countries- including Russia, India, and Japan- have to various degrees intensified their own space programs. It would be both tragic and foolhardy for the nation which first…