"Satis est," as Phillip Melanchthon would say,
Enough is enough.
My new Direct Express card didn't arrive. Turns out that despite my request that it be sent by expedited mail and my agreement to pay something like eighteen bucks for the privilege, it was sent by ordinary mail anyway, and may not arrive until Friday (NOTE: It arrived on Saturday).
Today I opened a checking account at a local bank. Turns out that they are willing to open it in anticipation of next month's Social Security payment. In the future, my Social Security payments will be sent there. If problems should arise, I will no longer have to spend a week or more calling at all hours around the clock and never being able to talk to a human being. I will simply walk a few hundred feet up the Skywalk to a branch of my new bank and talk to a human being face to face. I won't even have to go outside to do it.
Supposedly the card could arrive tomorrow, but will certainly arrive by Friday* and I'll be able to take out the cash and be almost done with Comerica Bank and Direct Express. All that will remain will be receiving next month's final payment before the transition to US Bank and my reimbursement for the money that was stolen from me last month. And in the meantime, it seems improbable that I'll never have to go through this again.
*Not meant to be ironic. At the time.